Why Trigun Is The Way It Is
by LadyFish
Summary: Uh...LadyKnives and FISHGUTS wrote this...scary...we know...what's really wrong with the Trigun cast? Read to find out...R
1. The Studlys....

Theories of Trigun  
  
by LadyKnives and FISHGUTS  
  
Disclaimer: Trigun (unfortunately) isn't ours…waahh…If it was it would never have ended and we would be characters too…and…nevermind….  
  
Vash: Is like a child that never grew up. He's influenced to easily by people (REM darn her). She screwed him and Knives over. Steve did too (That's why he died) Rem told him not to kill and he takes that to heart, but if there ain't no way out then heck yeah shoot the sorry bastard. Vash loves donuts b/c since he is a plant, he never ate that entire year with Knives, he could absorb sunlight like a regular plant, and plants also enjoy the sugary taste of sweets. That's why our Vashie-poo loves donuts so much. (Uh-oh LadyKnives just broke out into song…help me…some one…Vash! Come rescue me!! Since you are such a hottie!)  
  
{"FISHGUTS I'm going to hurt you one day. I Bring you candy and still I get made fun of. Your turn is coming Remember smoochy smoochy. Ok, Ok We will get back to the point of this thing what ever you want to call it."} Bye Vashie-poo until tonight! ::Vash sweatdrops and creeps to the door::  
  
  
  
Knives: One of LadyKnives' favs…hence the name. He's misunderstood. He's just like an abused child; they are normally violent and stuff. Think most people have some one to help them, he really hasn't, I mean look at Vashie- poo, he's in his own world, of donuts and stuff, Knivesy-Wisey's world is just a little darker and stuff. Vash ignored it and Knives chose to believe everyone was that way.  
  
(Yeah right, he's just psycho, FISHGUTS doesn't really like Knives, FISHGUTS likes Vashie-poo and Wolfy…but then again, LadyKnives is a little sociopath/psychopath combined that's why her and Knives are perfect for each other. ::FISHGUTS grabs Wolfy and Vashie-poo and cuddles them:: She just doesn't understand. ::Vash tries to free himself and FISHGUTS gives him a donut. Wolfy smokes his cigarette and enjoys himself in FISHGUTS' grasp::)  
  
{Lady Knives steals the keyboard. "STAY AWAY FROM VASH HE IS MINE TOO. GIVE HIM BACK." ::Goes over and steals Vash back.:: "And by the way I'm not sociopath/psychopath I'm sociopath/paranoid schizophrenic combination thank you very much." ::Legato walks in and Lady Knives runs over and grabs his arms.:: "Come on slave." ::Looks at FISHGUTS:: "He is mine too. Miss hairy dropped him and I need a slave so, He is mine. Now back to the wonderful Knivesy." ::Walks over to Knives and glomp him::}  
  
Knives (continued due to our little tiff): He uses that excuse that he's saving the plants but he actually kills to of his own in the anime. (Shame on him!) He really hates them b/c he thinks all people are like Steve (the evil bad man who hurt them). He just uses that as an excuse so people won't know the truth. (Embrace the truth. Live the truth and quit living in denial!) {The truth is out there! Sorry to much X-Files.} (Thank God they are over.) Sorry Kniveys-Wivsey but we must move on to the others…::Knives pouts and Lady Knives pats his hand and tells him 'It'll be okay.'::  
  
  
  
Wolfwood: (My Wolfy! I love him so much. He too is such a hottie) ::Lady Knives shakes her head and gives FISHGUTS a strange look:: He's hot stuff and he knows it! Nothing is wrong with him… (FISHGUTS IS SAYING ALL THIS B/C IT IS TRUE! HE'S SO GREAT!) {Ok, ok back to the thingy I mean whose Ideas were these in the first place mine hello. Ok, ok I'm done.}  
  
We don't know who or what killed his parents (KNIVES!) And he (my poor Wolfy) was also abused, between Chapel and his other guardians, who knew what they put him through. ::FISHGUTS grabs Wolfwood and squeezes him till he turns blue:: He just wanted to do the right thing he wanted no one to suffer like he did so he built the orphanage (Awww my Wolfy how sweet) We also think he was forced into the Gung-Ho-Guns (we will discuss them later) he would only protect the kids nothing else . (And now for that sexy cross) His trainer Chapel had one so he wanted one too (It looks much better with him) plus he's a traveling priest what other way to tell people that.  
  
  
  
Meryl: The queen of PMS (one of my fav female characters) she has to much responsibility put on her when she was young. {my fav too} When kids are like that it messes them up, look at LadyKnives' sister…oops did we say that….shhhh…::FISHGUTS grabs Wolfy and smiles at him then grabs Vash and feeds him a donut:: {Lady Knives man did you have to mention her. I mean well least not go there we would be here all night. "Vash what are you doing. Get back over here." -Vash "But she has a donut!"- "I have a whole truck load them. Come back over here or I will send Legato after you." Squeezes Knives and glares at Vash.}  
  
That is her main problem and she thinks she cant fail, she's one of those people who made straight A's and makes a B and thinks it's the end of the world. Although there is nothing wrong with those people.  
  
Next Episode: Millie, Legato, and Rem…what we think of them.  
  
  
  
A/n: {LadyKnives} I cant believe she talked me into this. She's asked me all along and now she wants to post it. Sigh it isn't my fault. She wanted it this way.  
  
(FISHGUTS) This is great. I'm torturing LadyKnives and I get Vash and Wolfwood all to myself….::Sings to herself as she gets dazed look::  
  
{Lady knives "Vash!!!!! What have I told you. Get back here. Sigh well I guess we shuld end it here.} Please R/R…….  
  
(FISHGUTS) Yeah and remember from me and Vash "Love and Peace!" "Oh and LadyKnives, VASH IS MINE! I LOVE HIM TOO!!!" Please R&R 


	2. Truth Revealed

(Welcome back one and all to this segment of continuation of little pathetic lives.:: FISHGUTS grabs Wolfy-sama and Vashie-poo and snuggles them both, hand feeding Vash donuts::)  
  
{Well, well here we are again. I think last time we said that we would discuss Legato, Millie, and Rem. We decided to add Kurenko-sama. We all love that cat. :: Looks around and sees Vash with FISHGUTS:: Vash I swear I'm going to send Legato after you. –Vash "but Knives already did."- Well Fine then be that way. I will just have to be happy with Knives and Legato and Midvalley. I mean hell they are so hot even Legato. I will just take all the good looking evil guys. Ok, Ok I'm shutting up. Onward to the story or show or should I say downwards.}  
  
  
  
Legato: (OOOHHH the evil blue haired one.) {I love the blue hair. So sexy.} He is demented. {Whatever.} Legato was extremely abused as a child and now. (By Knives!) Knives felt sorry for him, why else would he have taken him, one he's easy to control, two he could be powerful, and three a slave! (OOOHH I need one of those!) {To late he's mine!} (:: glare, glare:: Come here Wolfy-sama and Vashie-poo FISHGUTS's feeling depressed come comfort her!) {Very demanding.} The spiky shoulder pad thing? Trade mark maybe? Could be. Skull thingy? Maybe it represents something it could represent death to him ya never know… (FREAK!!!) {Aren't we all?} (Phhhh not FISHGUTS) {Then again I am the crazy one here.} What's with his obsession with Vashie's arm? He is JEALOUS! That is all Vash wants for him to see Knives' side of the story. And if Vash ever saw the truth and came to Knives' side Legato would get booted in the butt. No more Legato. So that's why he is JEALOUS! He wants to get rid of Vash but that would anger Knives. And he doesn't want that. {Poor Leggy.} (We worry about Legato sometimes.) Onwards and Downwards to….:: drum roll::…Millie.  
  
  
  
Millie: (She really worries FISHGUTS. :: catches Wolfy-sama looking at her and kisses Wolfy-sama, that gets his attention off of Millie:: Sorry, couldn't control herself there. :: Feeds Vashie another donut ::) {…} She's naive. Like Vash say 'be glad that she doesn't know how smart she actually is.' (FISHGUTS' smart Vashie-poo.) {What? Huh? Oh sorry. Drooling over Knives over here. :: drool, drool:: mmmm….} Pudding. {I love pudding. Don't really care for donuts, but I do love pudding.} (I love donuts, me and Vashie.) {Hot dogs too…} Back to the show and out of LadyKnives' head. Cool gun. Super Strong, how did she get that strong? What else is left to say…? (FISHGUTS knows FISHGUTS knows.) She gets Wolfwood in the show. (JEALOUS!) {Not really.} (Shut up!) We can tell she is the youngest of her family. Just look at her, VERY sheltered.  
  
  
  
Rem: (HATE, HATE, HATE!) {HATE, isn't strong enough of a word. More like LOATHE! -Knives "Here, Here!"- -Vash "Hey, I like Rem you know."- -FISHGUTS "We know, but FISHGUTS doesn't so you must hate her now or NO MORE DONUTS being fed to you by FISHGUTS! :: GROWL, GROWL::"- Sorry to all who like Rem, we just really don't care for her.} Doesn't know what she is talking about. Sheltered. She is stuck on Alex that is all she knows, he died and she blames herself. She never got over it, so she is trying to live her life like he wanted her to and you just can't do that, it's not healthy. (HATE, HATE, HATE!) {LOATHE, LOATHE, LOATHE!} What is with the "Holier than Though Attitude?" She ruined Vash and Knives' lives! (FISHGUTS blames her for Vash's suffering. :: Feeds Vash more donuts, he is happy ::) {I blame her for my poor Knivesy's problems. He wouldn't have had all these problems if it wasn't for her!} She wasn't a good mommy! She should have noticed something was wrong. Her head was stuck up her own ass, or Alex's ass either of the 2. She played favorites! That is wrong you just can't do that. It'll emotionally scar the other child. {YUP} She never punished then, that was a big NO-NO. When he killed the poor little spider and when they got into fights she just let him go and Vash, she should have at least talked to them. And quit babying Vash. (:: Kisses Vashie:: Couldn't control herself again sorry.) Look at poor, poor Knives, {LadyKnives and Knives, at the same time, "She is so embarrassing." -Legato "I kind of enjoy this show."- You would.} We just look down on Rem; she was a very bad mommy, even though she did love the boys. We should stop now before we die, we could go on and on, but we won't. Now for everyone's favorite….black cat….Kurenko-SAMA!!!  
  
  
  
Kurenko-sama: ::cheering can be heard in the background:: He is SATAN! B/c Satan is everywhere you go. Plus the cat, like Satan, is following Vash. He is involved with all the bad luck that falls upon Vash, the embodiment of it all…or he is God and likes to mess with Vash, since he lives forever. (FISHGUTS likes this little kitty, he sooooo cute. But not as cute as FISHGUTS' Vashie and Wolfy. :: cuddle, cuddle ::) {All bow to the great Kurenko-sama….whichever you think him to be…God, or Satan…he is almost all powerful and all knowing…} He could be a good/bad luck charm…you just don't know. He is indestructable!!! Maybe he can fly, b/c he gets everywhere Vash and crew go, or maybe he hides in their pockets. The huge eyes make him cuter! FACT TIME! It is engraved into humans, that anything with big eyes and big head (not that head…that's what crossed FISHGUTS' mind…) {mine too!!!!} -perverts!- And small body, we automatically assume they are cute. FACT TIME IS OVER!!! ( FISHGUTS learned something new, bet you never knew that could ever happen. ::Grabs Wolfy and Vashie and snuggles with them on the couch, feeds Vashie donuts, and smoochies on both::) {-Knives "Why can't they get a room like we do?" Knives! I cant believe you just said that. Announce it to world why don't you! -Legato "Mastah Knives, I never knew. Can I have a turn?"- Let's just drop it there. Onward with the show.} (::Looks up from making out with Vashie and Wolfy, they aren't the ones doing anything, it's all FISHGUTS:: No wait let's hear more about this LadyKnives!)  
  
{Threesome! Well, well, well.} (No! That's wrong! My Wolfy and Vashie can't do that, that's icky for them! Besides I don't think we'd actually do anything like that in public where everyone could see it...well now it is time to end this. ::goes back to making out::) {Next time on "The Pathetic Version of Days Of Our Lives" we will discuss: Midvalley, The Plants, and Chapel… please join us next time. ::Curtain closes…}  
  
  
  
A/n: {Please forgive us for our ramblings, we get carried away.}  
  
(I loved this one! Can you guess why…::She wipes the sweat from her forehead::)  
  
{Remember Dangerous toys are fun but you could get hurt…} 


	3. Wouldn't You Like To Know What Went On.....

FISHGUTS and Vashie and Wolfy are all gone from the room. LadyKnives and Knives are feeding each other. Legato is standing in the corner pouting, b/c he wants a turn. An empty box of donuts and an empty carton to cigarettes are lying on the couch. Strange noises are coming from the other room, LadyKnives and Knives try to ignore it the best they can.  
  
{…::Looks up and notices the people in the room:: Hey my Knives wanna be's! Welcome to the party! Midvalley went to the store to get more food, and alcohol, we were afraid Legato would have eaten it all if we sent him. FISHGTUS, Vash, and Wolfwood should, hopefully, be here soon, and if not you'll just have to put up with me and Knives. Oh and we can't forget Legato. So where should we start?}  
  
  
  
The Plants: Ok people, I've never read the manga so I am going straight on anime. Hmm where to start? Ok…um…in the anime they hint that they were once human. So the way I see it, is that they couldn't find a significant power source to fuel the ships, so they got volunteers and did strange experiments on them to see if they could get 'human' batteries. In the process they figures out how to do it, but they had to make the person have no individual thoughts, like a doll or something. B/c if they didn't how could they stand to be in the little light bulb thingies forever? {Legato go bang on the door! ::Legato is shaking his head no:: Why not!? -Legato "If it was you and Knives in there you two would kill me."- Good point. Knives will do it! Legato is a chicken! Legato is SCARED! ::Knives is thinking very hard and glaring at the door:: -Knives "Why don't we just blow down the door?" - Good idea, anyone have a bomb? ::Legato raises his hand:: Ok Legato go over there open the door and throw in the bomb. That will get them out! ::Legato goes and does it b/c Knives is giving him evil looks, the kind that goes 'if you don't do it I'll rip your limbs off and leave you to bleed to death'::} Back to the plants. I think that they were only supposed to be used to get them to where they were going, but then Knives caused them to crash, and a lot of technology was lost, so they still needed them. ::EXPLOSION, the door flies across the room, Knives and LadyKnives duck, the door sticks into the far wall then collapses to the floor. Smoke comes billowing out of the cracked and bent door frame. FISHGUTS, Vash, and Wolfwood all come out and glare at LadyKnives. LadyKnives and Knives are looking innocent:: (What the F was that for!? ::Looks around:: Oh, you should have told me! ::begins to blush:: How long have they been here? ::Throws Vash his pants and he gives her hers::) {Long enough to hear the strange noises. :: FISHGUTS has a sheepish grin on. LadyKnives is smiling like a maniac trying not to laugh:: -Knives "Well at least they got a room this time"- Too true. Too true.} (Hey at least it was fun) {Isn't it always?} Back to the PLANTS! Any thoughts FISHGUTS? YES! They are weird… {Don't talk about Vash that way!} (:: glare, glare:: FISHGUTS wasn't she wasn't talking about Vash, she was talking about KNIVES!) {HEY! Don't talk about Knives that way, those are fighting words and I could kick your tail any day of the week…} (How did you know that FISHGUTS has a tail?) {It's sort of obvious} (Oh yeah, I forgot. :: grabs Wolfwood with her tail::) What's with the plant bulbs? They have to be in the bulb b/c they can't control their power and it would leak everywhere if they weren't confined.  
  
:: Midvalley enters the room with two bags full of food and alcohol. Looks around the room, only to notice Wolfwood pants less, he lost them in the explosion and Vash with his pants half way on, and FISHGUTS with pants on her head and a really big shirt on. LadyKnives and Knives in the chair…we won't tell what they are doing…and Legato being jealous in the corner::  
  
Just the man we were looking for…onward to Midvalley!  
  
Midvalley: ::He waves:: "Why the hell wasn't I invited?" {It was all spur of the moment, we just couldn't wait.} (Spur of the moment? Says who? The couldn't wait part is correct though.) Midvalley…what can we say? Male whore. Hot. The sax is sexy. You see a guy play a guitar…not on Trigun! Drums, piano, and the sax...yes we have seen those on Trigun. {…} He was orphaned and didn't have any other way to make money, so why not be a man hoe who plays the sax. Legato forced him to be a Gung-Ho-Gun, he offered him money and power, who could refuse it, so he took it. Why is his shirt pink, {Got this idea from several stories, now it is implanted into my mind.} Vash washed his red coat with Midvalley's only white shirt and it turned pink. There ya go. He doesn't approve with Knives' methods (punish him!){Amen!}He doesn't really like Knives (Oooh challenging!) That is what we get when, in his last episode, he says, 'A superior being trying to show compassion…don't make me laugh.' something like that That shows to us that he doesn't really like Knives and doesn't approve of his methods (REBEL!) {Kill the traitor! Or at least reform him.} He was second in command next to Legato. It was Knives, Legato, and then Midvalley. This is all for Midvalley. Next Chapel, the mentor of Wolfy-sama.  
  
Chapel The Evergreen: -Anime only, b/c Wolfwood is Chapel in the Manga…- (FISHGUTS' Wolfy-sama's mentor…) {Well there's a character…} What's is with him coming back, to Knives, like he's going to do something when what he should have done, if he was going avenge poor Wolfwood he should have waited until they weren't expecting him and then do something, like, I dunno, in the battle where Vash KILLS Legato, he should have waited until Legato was distracted and then kill him. (Mwa Ha Ha Kill Legato) {Be nice to Legato he is MY slave after all.} (Whatever, let us direct our attention back to Chapel) His eyes…? Freaky…Knives got angry at him and made him get implants…or they could just be STRANGE sunglasses…Has it been the same apple all those years…I doubt that…but where does he get the apples…don't they live on a desert planet…and while we are on that subject, where do they get Salmon Sandwhiches…? Did they magically appear on the planet?? I thought there weren't no river or lakes…so where did they all come from…? Do they have magical supplies in the hide out of the Gung-Ho- Guns…? Oh well I guess we will never know…He's just a creepy old man.  
  
  
  
A/N: {I'm running on little sleep, sooooo this is all you get today! We will finish sometime with all the characters then we will magically move to…dun dun dun…it's a surpise! But we will move on to other anime's characters.}  
  
(FISHGUTS has no comments for now…But next time when you come call in advance so FISHGUTS can know what time to be ready…)  
  
{Next Episode: The Puppet Master, Leonav…Hoppard The Gauntlet…and the beast of a boy, Zazie the beast…Join us next time for the amazing adventures through the minds of FISHGUTS and LadyKnives…} 


	4. Legato Hosts The Show...Eek!!

(::FISHGUTS, Vash, and Wolfwood all sit on the floor in front of the TV. They are playing Marvel vs. Street Fighter. Vash is being killed by Wolfwood. Legato is standing with his nose in the corner, he is being punished for telling LadyKnives and Knives' secret. LadyKnives and Knives are missing, they are believed to be in the kitchen, they were preparing the snacks for tonight, but they seem to have gotten lost…:: Welcome one and all…Today we are talking about Leonav, hoppard, and Zazie…the beast…Please find a comfortable chair grab some donuts, pudding, or hotdogs, whichever you choose…Now let us begin.)  
  
  
  
Leonav: Strange…demented, depraved, lunatic…(Uh Vash…Wolfwood…even you Legato…FISHGUTS could use a little help here…-Vash "Uh, sorry there but I really didn't come into contact with him…" Wolfwood? -Wolfwood "Depraved Lunatic." ::He goes back to beating up Vash in the game:: Legato? –Leagto "Great servant, a little to independent minded. Puppets a little weird though." Thank you Legato and my hotties.) Cool wire, it even save Vash's life! Strange little red ball thingy, is that what he sees through? Does he have eyes? ::LadyKnives, Knives, and Midvalley all walk through the front door:: (Where the "F" were you? You know damn well that FISHGUTS cannot handle this alone, HER mind does not function all to well when put on the spot! FISHGUTS should shoot you! ::FISHGUTS pulls a gun out holding it by her tail::) {Well you left me last time! Get over it!} (NO FISHGUTS WILL NOT GET OVER IT! ARG!!!! YOU KNOW damn straight that you can handle an audience when you have to talk to them!) {Just b/c I can handle it doesn't mean I like to. Besides you can't shoot me, I can dodge bullets better than Vash, have mind powers better than Legato, and I'm a plant for God's sake!} (You're a plant? Since when?) {Since FOREVER, you just didn't know, besides Miss Tail Girl, what are you?}  
  
(FISHGUT's isn't sure what she is, but at least I have pretty angel like wings instead of black demon wings!) {I happen to like my wings thank you very much. –Midvalley "Me too, very sexy." ::Knives nods:: ::Legato is smiling thinking his thoughts to hisself::}  
  
(Well…uh… -Vash and Wolfwood, at the same time, "Very kinky. We like 'em a lot."- ::FISHGUTS grabs them and pulls them closer to her::) {Well you poor pathetic people you've had to listen to FISHGUTS, I bet she hasn't said much. ::Looks over at FISHGUTS who is now gone::} ::cough cough:: back to Leonav. {Damn she did it again, oh shit, Legato you take over. We'll be back later, much later.} ::Legato looks around and does a sweat drop, the audience looks scared:: -Legato "Why can't I ever go?" {You're my slave not my sex toy like Knives and Midvalley. –Legato "Please, please…" ::Legato crawls across the ground pleading to go:: You can go next time, IF you do a good job with the show. –Legato "Yes Mrs. Mastah." ::Legato bows. LadyKnives and her men leave the room to who knows where and to do who knows what.::} -Legato "Now were we? Ah yes Leonav. The red globe thing was a way to communicate between all of his puppets. How he got the puppets to be like the person he wanted it to imitate? Well let me tell you…he had said that he had been watching the people for a long time, so that helped it, so all he had to do was make the puppet act like her, since he knew what she acted like. Where does he come up with all the pieces to make his puppets out of well let me tell you…they are made out of some type of synthetic material, but I'm not to sure, you see Leonav the stingy bastard won't tell his secrets. Seeing as this one thing is forever let us continue on…"  
  
Hoppard the Gauntlet: "He was a strange one at that. Why would you want to look that way, you wouldn't attract too many…never mind. You might think that to be painful." ::At this point in time FISHGUTS, Vash, and Wolfwood enter the room:: "Ah damn. Now she's going to take over and send me to the corner again." (Where the "F" is LadyKnives? I swear I leave the room for one minute to go get something to eat and she goes off and…well we all know what she is doing! What do you think you are doing?) "Well, Mrs. Mastah told me if I did a good job that I could go next time." ::FISHGUTS face faults and sweat drops:: (Well if she won't take you then I guess you could always join us…::Vash and Wolfwood stare at each other then glare at Legato:: -Vash and Wolfwood "We won't share you with Legato…we don't want him to have any fun…at least with you…"- Uh…Well Legato…You can go in there to and bust up their fun…or whatever…I the all powerful FISHGUTS gives you permission. ::Legato skips along to the room:: Now who was he talking about…oh yes…Hoppard the Gauntlet. He's one sad, strange, little man…mmmhmmm. For only 3 important words in his vocabulary he sure does talk a lot. What a dorky laugh! His voice annoys me too. And he doesn't look like a man anymore. He's just weird and not much can be said about him. And now for the beast…  
  
Zazie the Beast: If we were ever to be called the beast we would love to be called ZAZIE! He hid out in the orphanage b/c he knew Vash would end up there. He was possessed. By insects like the manga. The sandworms followed Zazie. No one would ever expect a poor little kid to be capable of such evil deeds. But he did it. He used that to his advantage. (Damn it where the hell is LadyKnives! FISHGUTS swears! ARG! Okay people this is all FISHGUTS's got. And FISGHUTS is too scared to get her out. So we shall leave her alone, trust FISHGUTS on this one, you don't want to make LadyKnives angry. She gets very, very, very scary. She is Satan incognito. So FISHGUTS shall end it here. Since LadyKnives isn't here to pick next time, FISHGUTS gets to pick Mwa Ha Ha!!!) Next time: Radei the Blade, Monev the Gale, Dominique the Cyclops, and E.G. Mine. Please join us again the next time.  
  
A/N (Ok still no sign of LadyKnives, maybe FISHGUTS and Wolfwood and Vash shall leave for the day and not come back till they are done. And ya know what else, FISHGUTS thinks that LadyKnives wants to be like FISHGUTS and have more than one hottie…in her bed…oh well…)  
  
{Who doesn't!}  
  
(LATER PEOPLE!) ::Runs and jumps into the air landing in both Wolfwood's and Vash's laps. Mwa Ha Ha…) 


End file.
